7 Things to do when you want to be pregnant
(Photo above: My husband and I at 35 weeks pregnant. Three weeks before giving birth to my baby girl!)
I’m writing this to encourage the women who are waiting to conceive. Not every woman will lay with her husband for the first time and become pregnant. Some will not conceive after the second, third, or even one-hundredth time having sex! I was one of the women who laid with my husband for years and did not get pregnant.
When you look around and see other people who seem to get pregnant so fast, you start to ask yourself and your spouse, “Is something wrong?”. When everyone is excited about their babies, you feel excited for them but left out, and ponder many concerns. I understand how you feel. You may feel that you are disappointing your spouse or family. It can be a great burden to be married, but not able to get pregnant.
I had a son before marriage, and when I got pregnant with him, it did not seem to be a struggle. I was not anticipating pregnancy, but, it just happened. Having my son with no special planning or preparation made me think that getting pregnant would always be easy, but after I got married, it was not.
I got married in 2011 to the man that I love. His mother was up in age. She had 13 kids. My husband was the 7th child, but the 4th to get married. She had a lot of kids, but only three grandchildren when we got married. She was excited to see more grandchildren.
My husband and I wanted to conceive right after we got married because we were excited, we knew his mother wanted grandchildren, and it was customary in Ghana–where my husband was born and raised–for new couples to get pregnant after marriage. We didn’t do any special fertility charting or anything, but we were “doing the do”, and we did not get pregnant for 5+ years. Before I got pregnant, this is what I did…
I got my fibroids removed
With my firstborn, I was a high risk pregnancy because of uterine fibroids. When I got married, he was 4. Within the 4 years from his birth until I was trying to get pregnant with my husband, my fibroids had grown to the size that they were blocking both of my fallopian tubes. I did not explore the possibility of the fibroids blocking my fallopian tubes for a while, but after one whole year of trying to get pregnant, I wanted to get checked out. The doctors did a hysterosalpingogram (HSG), a radiology exam where they insert dye into the vagina that is supposed to funnel into the fallopian tubes. Instead of the dye going into my fallopian tubes, it came back out of the vagina, and we knew my tubes were blocked.
From there, the doctors discussed my options for fibroid removal: hysterectomy or myomectomy. The hysterectomy would terminate my chances of pregnancy, but the myomectomy still gave my husband and I a chance. Unfortunately, with two fibroids–one intramuscular located at the top of the uterus and the other submucosal on the back of the uterus–both the size of large Idaho potatoes, my myomectomy could not be laparascopic. I had to get a bikini incision, and have the fibroids taken out by an operation similar to a c-section. The risks were high, but I went thru with the fibroid removal surgery in 2013, and everything went well.
Since, I have heard of other natural alternatives aside from surgery that remove fibroids. Digestive enzymes (especially serrapeptase), castor oil compresses, and other ways of super charging the digestive system, so the body can rid itself of the access growth sound like promising alternatives, however, I was not aware of them at the time that I was desperate to have my fibroids removed.
I changed my stress levels
My job may not have been stressful for other people, but I felt like I was never meeting up to my standard as a mom and wife while I was in the military. In 2015, I chose to separate so that I could be the mom and wife I always desired to be. My stress levels drastically went down after my separation from the military.
I started paying attention to my fertile signs
I read books after books, and watched video after video about fertility. The common conclusion is…
When you are fertile, your discharge is clear and slippery, and your temperature is higher. I started to watch my body signs, so that I would know when I was fertile.
I started paying attention to my moods at my fertile time
I found that when I was fertile, I was moody and too tired for sex. Being moody and fertile means no marriage interaction. Read between the lines. I had to start paying attention to my moods, so that I could make sure I was with my husband at the right time of the month.
We started increasing our romance fire
We talked about how I am moody and tired when I am fertile, and we agreed on sharing some responsibilities at that time. I took a break from school. I would have more vitality during sex when I was not solely worried about schoolwork, dishes, childcare, washing the car, and so many other things I would put on my “to do” list. My husband took some things off of my “to do” list. He delegated some things to my son, and handled some things himself. Sharing some responsibilities spoke the “acts of service” and “quality time” love languages that Dr. Gary Chapman talks about in his book The 5 Love Languages. Individually and as a family, we had more time together to play games, talk, and enjoy one another.
We waited on God’s timing
I learned that I had no control beyond stewarding my time, my health, and my marriage well. Beyond being a good steward of what God has given me, I had to wait on Him to work in my womb. My husband and I were patient with one another. We did not pressure one another. We encouraged each other. When he or I was discouraged, the other was saying, “in due time”, or “I love you regardless”. We prayed and we waited on God to open the womb.
BAM! We got pregnant!
In January 2016, around my husband’s 30th birthday, we got pregnant! I had a 9 year break in between my two pregnancies. My son was 9 years old. My husband and I were overjoyed. Since we waited so long, we were ecstatic throughout the pregnancy, and the people around us were too.
On October 7, 2016, I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl in God’s timing.
(Photo above: My baby girl entering into this world!)
Some “take-aways” from my story…
If you’re one of the people waiting on pregnancy, be encouraged. Steward everything in your care well–your body, your relationships, your peace of mind, and your time. Liven your relationship with God, your spouse, and those around you. Increase in patience and perseverance.